Be mindful not to build your identity around your pain. When we start believing our struggles define us, we tend to protect them instead of release them.
It’s easy to get stuck there — especially for women who hold so much. We tell our stories from the perspective of what happened to us instead of what grew from us. We lead with the wound instead of the wisdom.
Yet, true transformation doesn’t come from ignoring our pain or endlessly analyzing it. Instead, it begins when we start asking with curiosity: What is this part of me trying to protect?
That’s why Jenna Riemersma’s book, Altogether You, stopped me in my tracks. It’s not a typical self-help read about “fixing” yourself. Rather, it’s an invitation to get to know yourself — all of yourself — with compassion. As I turned the pages, I found myself exhaling layers of self-judgment and stepping into genuine curiosity about why I respond the way I do.
Discovering the “Parts” Within Us
In Altogether You, Riemersma introduces the concept of our “parts” — the many inner voices or roles that make up our internal world. Some protect us. Others manage. Still others carry pain. None of them are bad; they simply learned to help us survive.
As she writes, “No bad parts, only bad roles.” That line alone softened me.
So often, we judge ourselves for being reactive, controlling, people-pleasing, or perfectionistic. But when we see those responses as parts that once had a purpose, something inside relaxes. We can finally move from shame to understanding.
The book weaves beautifully between psychology, faith, and grace. With each reflection question, I found myself peeling back another layer. For example, one prompt asked me to notice how I treat the parts of me that feel scared or defensive. Do I push them away? Or can I sit with them, curious about what they need?
As a life coach, I see this play out daily. When my clients begin to recognize their own protectors — the perfectionist, the fixer, the over-giver — they also start to access compassion. And compassion changes everything. It turns “What’s wrong with me?” into “Oh, I see why I do that.”
The God-Image Core: Who We Truly Are
Riemersma writes, “One easy litmus test to see if we are in our authentic God-Image core is to see how we feel about examining our own actions and motivations. If we feel defensive, we are in a part. If we feel open and curious, chances are good we are in our authentic God-Image within.”
That truth landed deeply for me. How often do we rush to defend, explain, or justify instead of simply becoming curious? The defensiveness itself is a signal — not of failure, but of protection.
When we are connected to what she calls our God-Image core (what others might describe as the “Self” or “Spirit within”), we naturally display what psychologist Richard Schwartz calls the Eight Cs: curiosity, compassion, courage, connection, clarity, calm, confidence, and creativity.
Scripture echoes these same qualities as the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
In my coaching work, I’ve noticed that when clients tap into this authentic inner core — when they lead their lives from that calm, centered space — they stop reacting and start responding. They move through challenges with grace. They stop trying to be “good” and start being whole.
Protecting or Healing?
There’s a subtle difference between healing and protecting our pain. We protect pain when we cling to the stories that keep us safe but stuck — the ones that say, “This is just who I am” or “This always happens to me.”
We heal when we allow those stories to be rewritten.
You might be protecting rather than healing if:
- You find yourself leading every conversation with what hurt you rather than what you learned.
- You only feel deeply understood when you’re talking about your pain.
- You get defensive when someone challenges your familiar narrative.
You’ve mistaken being seen for being whole.
As I read Altogether You, I realized how much my own protectors — the achiever, the caretaker, the perfectionist — were trying to keep me safe. They weren’t the problem. They were the messengers.
This understanding also reminded me of my Positive Intelligence (PQ) training. In PQ, we identify “saboteurs” — inner critics that hijack our thinking. But the goal isn’t to destroy them; it’s to recognize their presence and shift back into our wiser self, what Shirzad Chamine calls the Sage.
Both frameworks point to the same truth: wholeness isn’t about erasing parts of you. It’s about integrating them with love.
Moving Forward: Becoming “Altogether You”
Here’s what I’ve learned so far — and what I believe Altogether You beautifully captures:
You are not broken. You are beautifully complex.
Your emotions, your protectors, your patterns — they’re not enemies. They’re invitations.
When we begin to understand how and why we operate as humans, we unlock the ability to move forward — not from perfection, but from presence.
Whether you’re a mom trying to find peace in the chaos, a woman rediscovering her spark, or someone simply ready to feel whole again, this book is worth every page.
Riemersma’s gentle guidance offers a path to self-leadership rooted in grace and curiosity — a reminder that our truest self has never been lost, just hidden beneath layers of protection.
So, if you’re ready to meet every part of yourself with compassion, I highly recommend Altogether You.
It’s one of those books that doesn’t just inform you — it transforms how you see yourself.
In Closing
If this reflection resonates, grab your own copy of Altogether You: Discovering the Power of All That You Are by Jenna Riemersma on Amazon.
As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases — and I only recommend what I genuinely love and believe will serve you.
Because at the end of the day, Joyful Reinvention isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about remembering who you’ve been all along — altogether you.
Hello there!
I’m Maria—homeschooling mama of six, Lita to two, master life coach, and creator of Joyful Reinvention. After walking through my own seasons of burnout, I now help moms shift from surviving to thriving with a blend of mindset, holistic wellness, and habit change. Joyful Reinvention was born to help you heal from the inside out and build a life you truly love. When I’m not coaching, you’ll find me chasing sunsets, exploring new places, or adventuring with my big, beautiful family.